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Your Developer Horoscope

Friday, December 19, 2008

Aries (March 21-April 19): Avoid committing yourself to the next project at work. It’s going to become a death march, and you know it. Save your skills and energy for some open source hacking.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): You’ve been flirting with functional programming and now it’s time to take the plunge. Free your soul of side-effects and embrace a monad. It will make you feel good.

Gemini (May 21-June 21): You are entering a period of introspection. For pair programming, it’s best to hook up with Cancer. Avoid Pisces, because you know you’ll bicker over inheritance versus composition until someone gets hurt by a fast-moving keyboard.

Cancer (June 22-July 22): Your creative juices are flowing. Color coordinated themes will jump from your mind to fill the soft, supple curves of the rounded rectangles your customers visually crave. Who said developers can’t design a UI? Not you!

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): You might start feeling detached from the rest of the team. Now is the time to randomly refactor code that someone else wrote in the name of collective code ownership. You might spark a new relationship!

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You might need to apply some fundamental design patterns to find the elegant solution you seek. Repository. Abstract Factory. Visitor. Pick 2.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): There are lots of meetings in your future. Some of those future meetings will be meeting to discuss future meetings (the meta-meeting meeting). Good for you the gaming market for cell phones is hitting its stride.

Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): Don’t get frustrated with what your future holds. Broken builds, failing tests, and bug reports like “I think it broke when I click Submit, or something”. Be positive and live stress free. Consider taking up Yoga.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You should start taking security seriously. SQL injections, code injections, script injections, header injections. Everyone is out to get you, and it’s only a matter of time. Only the paranoid survive. If you can trust a Scorpio, you might find a mentor.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Time for a change. If you’ve been using a statically typed language, then try something dynamic. If you’ve been using a dynamic language, then try something static. If you do both, then try Malbolge.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): To you, software is a craft. You always have your eye on an impossible star, but you reach anyway. The vague predictions of horoscopes drive you crazy, but no one ever accused them of being a science, eh? Pisces will be your friend.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Monkeys with keyboards – that’s what you may be thinking about your team when the next project starts. When life gives you monkeys – make bananas. Or something like that. Watch out for Sagittarius.

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