Every Job Ad You've Ever Read

Job ads these days are monotonous. They all seem to blur into the following:

Come put your skills to work at a fast paced and growing company! Our work environment is highly collaborative, exceedingly innovative, and vastly stimulating!!

Required skills:
    - blah
    - blah
    - blah de blah de blah blah

This position also requires excellent communication skills from a detail oriented self-starter who likes to mentor others and thinks out of the box.

Salary commensurate with experience and our mood. We offer a competitive benefits package, meaning it’s the least we can get away with.

Email your resume for immediate consideration by our automated resume scanning tool, which will shred your document into keywords and bulk insert records to a database for someone to search. When they feel motivated. Maybe next month.

Our lawyers would like to point out that we are an equal opportunity employer, even though it is safe to assume this fact considering U.S. federal laws like the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Equal Pay Act of 1963, the Age Discrimination Act of 1967, and the Disabilities Act of 1990.

No agencies, H1B visas, or ugly people need apply.