OdeToCode IC Logo

Virtual Machine Freestyle Battle

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

I’m driving through the streets today when I pull up beside a car with a personalized license plate: “JAVA VM”. I’m obviously beside a developer who is fanatic about the Java virtual machine.

I guess I’ve been reading too many of the accidental freestyle battles on Bill’s blog lately. I tossed in a CD with some bass thumping action, wound down my window, and started screaming out loud:

Yo, VM boy, you got a queued up packet,
You better call Receive and prepare for the racket.
You didn’t hit return before the left curly bracket,
    gonna send you upstate, in a straight white jacket.

Ya’ll used to say we were the bourgeoisie,
Now .NET is spreading like hepatitis B.
I know you is scared, cuz I’m a wack MC,
    and I got more sources than ODBC.

Better throw up your hands, and your pocket protector,
I’m gonna whip out my king sized garbage collector.
It’s coming after you like a bee after nectar,
    you’ll never add another String to an object typed Vector.

I was ready to lay down some more verse, but the light turned green. The guy put the gas pedal to the floor and drove off in a hurry. I began to revel in my freestyle geek-rap victory.

Then the phone rang, and I woke up.

I swear, if I doze off at the computer, I can have the most pathetic dreams…