Every Job Ad You've Ever Read

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Job ads these days are monotonous. They all seem to blur into the following:

Come put your skills to work at a fast paced and growing company! Our work environment is highly collaborative, exceedingly innovative, and vastly stimulating!!

Required skills:
    - blah
    - blah
    - blah de blah de blah blah

This position also requires excellent communication skills from a detail oriented self-starter who likes to mentor others and thinks out of the box.

Salary commensurate with experience and our mood. We offer a competitive benefits package, meaning it’s the least we can get away with.

Email your resume for immediate consideration by our automated resume scanning tool, which will shred your document into keywords and bulk insert records to a database for someone to search. When they feel motivated. Maybe next month.

Our lawyers would like to point out that we are an equal opportunity employer, even though it is safe to assume this fact considering U.S. federal laws like the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Equal Pay Act of 1963, the Age Discrimination Act of 1967, and the Disabilities Act of 1990.

No agencies, H1B visas, or ugly people need apply.


Comments
Sahil Malik Thursday, April 28, 2005
Man this could be a word template
John Thursday, April 28, 2005
...and then it turns out half the jobs are looking for people to write resume shreders for a HR department...
Willem Odendaal Thursday, April 28, 2005
Man, have I seen a lot of those. Good one!
Darrell Thursday, April 28, 2005
Awesome!
roy Thursday, April 28, 2005
Whatever happened to slow paced steady and thoughtful companies. I hate rushing things. It only leads to errors. Bah!
Raymond Lewallen Thursday, April 28, 2005
Great stuff Scott ;)
haacked@gmail.com (Haacked) Thursday, April 28, 2005
Scott, my lawyer would like to speak with yours about this obvious theft of intellectual property. I don't know how you did it, but please remove this post and return our job posting word template. Thank you.
<br>
<br>Company X
Milan Negovan Thursday, April 28, 2005
Check out this company's openings: http://www.accessdevices.co.uk/careers.php. I was laughing to tears! That's the way to do it!
Andy Friday, April 29, 2005
Milan,
<br>Those are awesome ads! I even qualify for the developer jobs listed. Is that a decent salary over there?
<br>
<br>Scott,
<br>Do you write for my Sunday paper too? because that's all it ever has in it are ads just like that.
David Totzke Thursday, May 12, 2005
Milan, the best part of the accessdevices site is this page:
<br>http://www.accessdevices.co.uk/rec_cons.php
<br>
<br>gotta love it...
Comments are now closed.
by K. Scott Allen K.Scott Allen
My Pluralsight Courses
The Podcast!