Virtual Machine Freestyle Battle

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

I’m driving through the streets today when I pull up beside a car with a personalized license plate: “JAVA VM”. I’m obviously beside a developer who is fanatic about the Java virtual machine.

I guess I’ve been reading too many of the accidental freestyle battles on Bill’s blog lately. I tossed in a CD with some bass thumping action, wound down my window, and started screaming out loud:

Yo, VM boy, you got a queued up packet,
You better call Receive and prepare for the racket.
You didn’t hit return before the left curly bracket,
    gonna send you upstate, in a straight white jacket.

Ya’ll used to say we were the bourgeoisie,
Now .NET is spreading like hepatitis B.
I know you is scared, cuz I’m a wack MC,
    and I got more sources than ODBC.

Better throw up your hands, and your pocket protector,
I’m gonna whip out my king sized garbage collector.
It’s coming after you like a bee after nectar,
    you’ll never add another String to an object typed Vector.

I was ready to lay down some more verse, but the light turned green. The guy put the gas pedal to the floor and drove off in a hurry. I began to revel in my freestyle geek-rap victory.

Then the phone rang, and I woke up.

I swear, if I doze off at the computer, I can have the most pathetic dreams…


Comments
DJ jj5 Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Yaw. This is the C# crew kickin' it from tha West Side to tha East Side. Yaw.
<br>
<br>What's up with them plates wigger?
<br>
<br>My mad programming skills, givin' hoes thrills;
<br>.NETs where it's at. And brother you know that.
<br>Move along son, you got bags to pack.
<br>And JIT this bitch, my shit's in the GAC.
<br>
<br>The Endian's little; big don't matter.
<br>Settle down NUXI, our shit is phatter!
<br>J2EE? Pfft. Our API's clean!
<br>You think we don't know what beans mean!?
<br>
<br>Take ya Taglet to Smurphette.
<br>My handlers'll roll it.
<br>Ya syntax is mine; you can't prove I stole it.
<br>By the way, now it's Ant with an N!
<br>
<br>It's builder not buffer, you got to get tougher.
<br>Ya listeners lapsed. Ya designers smoked crack.
<br>It's clear. We bringing you fear.
<br>With mad UIs any time of the year!
<br>
<br>Your API's big, bloated, an' complex.
<br>There's less movin' parts in my Rolex.
<br>Yeah, and what's with ya vendor?
<br>We's heard they's pimpin' tha Solaris from Endor.
<br>
<br>You think that shit is fun?
<br>Your in an Eclipse of the Sun.
<br>Your code's full of hacks.
<br>And I caught you programming Macs!
<br>
<br>Word to ya mom.
<br>
<br>Go mono!
Scott Allen Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Now that rocks. You got it down, man. JJ5 rulez the planet.
John Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Yeah! jj5 is awesome! He's, like, my favorite band right now. If you can call him a band, coz he's really only one guy... ;)
Raymond Lewallen Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Nice, both of you, that shit's ill.
William Robertson Thursday, November 18, 2004
Where can I find mp3's of these? &lt;smirk&gt;
Bill Thursday, November 18, 2004
Scott - you don't want the words &quot;Freestyle Battle&quot; getting indexed - you'll be getting all sorts of interesting posts down the road in a month or two.
<br>
<br>Woke up quick, at about noon, just thought I'd have to reboot my 2k box soon, better reboot it know before the day begins and I piss off all of my co-workers and friends... never mind - I've got no game.
Scott C Reynolds Sunday, November 21, 2004
word yall. thatz dope. I feel a new .net blogger meme coming on.
s Thursday, December 16, 2004
yo
<br>
mc hammer Friday, December 24, 2004
That was dopinigle dude. I can beat both yal niggles. shiccles, out bib dizzels. peace
Jaquella Thursday, February 10, 2005
yo this web site is hot or i'm just board this is like shopping in a grocery store and every time I spit you ask for more this is just a sample this is not for real this is just a test i'll do some and leave dre to the rest.
Jaquella Thursday, February 10, 2005
yo this web site is hot or i'm just board this is like shopping in a grocery store and every time I spit you ask for more this is just a sample this is not for real this is just a test i'll do some and leave dre to the rest.
WONDER BOI Monday, March 28, 2005
yo wonna battle cuzz i got it all
<br>i know i can give u the shame
<br>of this so call game!
<br>so yo'll thats looking fo a battle
<br>hurr i am!
<br>cuzz i got what it takes to be on top!
qee Tuesday, March 29, 2005
yo step to a chick if you ain't scared i'm the best and i don't want to take u there.
king tech Tuesday, May 3, 2005
sup
dreb Tuesday, May 10, 2005
whaaaa???
Nate Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Yo wasup g?
o8o8 Tuesday, May 31, 2005
yo yo yo
Master MC-----&amp;gt;&amp;gt;OUTSiDAZ Reprazent Friday, June 3, 2005
You all wack and if ya really wanna have a battle add my email address
<br>
<br>blaine_golf@hotmail.com
baby doo oo lot Monday, June 6, 2005
wht happen ta my posts
yo dady Friday, June 17, 2005
i take the mike afta ya ask me to fight cuase i am the type the type that will fit it right i dont want a battle cause i really dont need to cuase every knows its true id embarras you so all ya suckers all there kiss my ass becuase if someone has ever beaten me theve got a cap in they ass
Kemet Monday, June 20, 2005
yo dady who gave you that name/
<br>you sound gay and ya raps are lame/
<br>talking about caps you got trouble poppin bottles/
<br>faggot tried to rap now his ass is getting throttled/
<br>ima real MC you mighta seen me in otha places/
<br>go into hoods leavin 187s and cold cases/
<br>cmon dawg embarass me then/
<br>ya fakeass knows 1 rap song and its by eminem/
<br>you talking about freestyle all i hear is bitching/
<br>i tore you apart now your ass is flipping/
<br>pissed off you thought you were the best/
<br>i got advice for you next time wear a vest
<br>
<br>cmon yo dady lets hear it.
<br>
<br>KEMET i'll take any1 right now.
Tic Tac Tuesday, May 16, 2006
"Monday, June 20, 2005 4:03 PM by Kemet
# re: Virtual Machine Freestyle Battle
yo dady who gave you that name/
you sound gay and ya raps are lame/
talking about caps you got trouble poppin bottles/
faggot tried to rap now his ass is getting throttled/
ima real MC you mighta seen me in otha places/
go into hoods leavin 187s and cold cases/
cmon dawg embarass me then/
ya fakeass knows 1 rap song and its by eminem/
you talking about freestyle all i hear is bitching/
i tore you apart now your ass is flipping/
pissed off you thought you were the best/
i got advice for you next time wear a vest

cmon yo dady lets hear it.

KEMET i'll take any1 right now."

k man, ill see what i can do..

look at my big dick compared to ya limp dick/
the difference is I got the one that ya bitch licks/
u stuck wit the dick ya dad bit/
the only way u gettin pussy is if ya dicks attached to cats lips/
you wont get far little punk cos I bust pure rhymes/
i tear up bars like a drunk on a bus tour I’m/
the hideous, insidious, super fly suffer/
ignorance is bliss and you’re a happy motherfucker/
sucker rock a set; I’m like Bobba Fett with intellect/
im everywhere you go like porno on the Internet/
you dont wanna step, trust me, you been warned/
you dont wanna play leapfrog with a unicorn/
leave you torn you couldnt battle me with that lame rhyme
you couldnt come hard with two women at the same time/
you walk in the club dipped in jewels and versace/
only gay guys wear that much gold, ask Liberace/
MCs act arrogant, i wonder why/
if your skills matched your ego youd be eating humble pie/
ur rhymes are more average than your girlfriends looks/
and with a face like that i hope that girl can cook/
Comments are now closed.
by K. Scott Allen K.Scott Allen
My Pluralsight Courses
The Podcast!