I’m driving through the streets today when I pull up beside a car with a personalized license plate: “JAVA VM”. I’m obviously beside a developer who is fanatic about the Java virtual machine.
I guess I’ve been reading too many of the accidental freestyle battles on Bill’s blog lately. I tossed in a CD with some bass thumping action, wound down my window, and started screaming out loud:
Yo, VM boy, you got a queued up packet,
You better call Receive and prepare for the racket.
You didn’t hit return before the left curly bracket,
gonna send you upstate, in a straight white jacket.Ya’ll used to say we were the bourgeoisie,
Now .NET is spreading like hepatitis B.
I know you is scared, cuz I’m a wack MC,
and I got more sources than ODBC.Better throw up your hands, and your pocket protector,
I’m gonna whip out my king sized garbage collector.
It’s coming after you like a bee after nectar,
you’ll never add another String to an object typed Vector.
I was ready to lay down some more verse, but the light turned green. The guy put the gas pedal to the floor and drove off in a hurry. I began to revel in my freestyle geek-rap victory.
Then the phone rang, and I woke up.
I swear, if I doze off at the computer, I can have the most pathetic dreams…
Comments
<br>
<br>What's up with them plates wigger?
<br>
<br>My mad programming skills, givin' hoes thrills;
<br>.NETs where it's at. And brother you know that.
<br>Move along son, you got bags to pack.
<br>And JIT this bitch, my shit's in the GAC.
<br>
<br>The Endian's little; big don't matter.
<br>Settle down NUXI, our shit is phatter!
<br>J2EE? Pfft. Our API's clean!
<br>You think we don't know what beans mean!?
<br>
<br>Take ya Taglet to Smurphette.
<br>My handlers'll roll it.
<br>Ya syntax is mine; you can't prove I stole it.
<br>By the way, now it's Ant with an N!
<br>
<br>It's builder not buffer, you got to get tougher.
<br>Ya listeners lapsed. Ya designers smoked crack.
<br>It's clear. We bringing you fear.
<br>With mad UIs any time of the year!
<br>
<br>Your API's big, bloated, an' complex.
<br>There's less movin' parts in my Rolex.
<br>Yeah, and what's with ya vendor?
<br>We's heard they's pimpin' tha Solaris from Endor.
<br>
<br>You think that shit is fun?
<br>Your in an Eclipse of the Sun.
<br>Your code's full of hacks.
<br>And I caught you programming Macs!
<br>
<br>Word to ya mom.
<br>
<br>Go mono!
<br>
<br>Woke up quick, at about noon, just thought I'd have to reboot my 2k box soon, better reboot it know before the day begins and I piss off all of my co-workers and friends... never mind - I've got no game.
<br>
<br>i know i can give u the shame
<br>of this so call game!
<br>so yo'll thats looking fo a battle
<br>hurr i am!
<br>cuzz i got what it takes to be on top!
<br>
<br>blaine_golf@hotmail.com
<br>you sound gay and ya raps are lame/
<br>talking about caps you got trouble poppin bottles/
<br>faggot tried to rap now his ass is getting throttled/
<br>ima real MC you mighta seen me in otha places/
<br>go into hoods leavin 187s and cold cases/
<br>cmon dawg embarass me then/
<br>ya fakeass knows 1 rap song and its by eminem/
<br>you talking about freestyle all i hear is bitching/
<br>i tore you apart now your ass is flipping/
<br>pissed off you thought you were the best/
<br>i got advice for you next time wear a vest
<br>
<br>cmon yo dady lets hear it.
<br>
<br>KEMET i'll take any1 right now.
# re: Virtual Machine Freestyle Battle
yo dady who gave you that name/
you sound gay and ya raps are lame/
talking about caps you got trouble poppin bottles/
faggot tried to rap now his ass is getting throttled/
ima real MC you mighta seen me in otha places/
go into hoods leavin 187s and cold cases/
cmon dawg embarass me then/
ya fakeass knows 1 rap song and its by eminem/
you talking about freestyle all i hear is bitching/
i tore you apart now your ass is flipping/
pissed off you thought you were the best/
i got advice for you next time wear a vest
cmon yo dady lets hear it.
KEMET i'll take any1 right now."
k man, ill see what i can do..
look at my big dick compared to ya limp dick/
the difference is I got the one that ya bitch licks/
u stuck wit the dick ya dad bit/
the only way u gettin pussy is if ya dicks attached to cats lips/
you wont get far little punk cos I bust pure rhymes/
i tear up bars like a drunk on a bus tour I’m/
the hideous, insidious, super fly suffer/
ignorance is bliss and you’re a happy motherfucker/
sucker rock a set; I’m like Bobba Fett with intellect/
im everywhere you go like porno on the Internet/
you dont wanna step, trust me, you been warned/
you dont wanna play leapfrog with a unicorn/
leave you torn you couldnt battle me with that lame rhyme
you couldnt come hard with two women at the same time/
you walk in the club dipped in jewels and versace/
only gay guys wear that much gold, ask Liberace/
MCs act arrogant, i wonder why/
if your skills matched your ego youd be eating humble pie/
ur rhymes are more average than your girlfriends looks/
and with a face like that i hope that girl can cook/